Lift, I want to go down. Make this painless

Having recently been stuck in a lift I feel I am now more than qualified to talk about them. Once I got my penis stuck in a pencil case and there aren't many people out there who will disagree that I now know all there is to know about that particular form of stationary, mostly that you should keep your cock out of them.

Having read an article about how people react in lifts I thought I would reiterate what I learned, in my own words. This blog is like a cover song, often created to pad out a struggling first album and mostly shit.

Have you noticed when you get into a lift how differently you begin to act, it seems most people haven't adapted to being lifted and dropped in a glorified coffin with a hanfdul of strangers, odd that we wouldn't just get used to that. On your own or with a close friend, as soon as someone enters the lift environment with you it becomes an extremely tense and awkward situation. Both parties usually become unnaturally still, avoiding any eye contact or the slightest glimmer of positive body language.
Much like a gift that never stops giving the lift stops at floors you hoped it wouldn't and each and every time someone new gets in. Regardless of their personality on the outside of this box you all become unwilling and unable to act comfortably in each other's company. The guy who gets on with everyone in the office gets on with no-one in the lift. More often than not you will notice each and every person is facing the door, you could be 15 floors away from your destination with a decent 2 minute arrival time but your gaze never moves from those doors.

Some fear using a lift, and this isn't because of the guaranteed social awkwardness you will encounter but the possibility the lift will plummute you to your death or you may become stuck and not be found until the next day. I suppose they aren't unreasonable fears but if I was going to be using the stairs I would want it to be because I had previously walked into an elavator mere seconds after a sheepish looking woman standing alone had farted. The chance that I might encounter that again would produce a completely rational fear of those speedy death boxes, I mean lifts.