Top 5: Ways to relieve stress.

Have you aqquired a few more grey hairs or wrinkles lately due to stress? It's completely normal to feel the affects of it and for it to age you like you've spent 5 minutes in the company of gayer than gay celebrity stalker Perez Hilton. Just because it's what is considered normal does not mean you should tolerate stress, beat the bastard into the ground and lay a nice patio over it.

1. Read a book, invest your spare time in a good read to take your mind off of the pains of reality. If this book happens to be '50 shades of grey' I advise you to lay a newspaper down on the chair before you begin. Also burn your clothes after you've finished, the washing machine wasn't built to cleanse your sins from the linen.

2. Think positive. When things get fuckered just try and see the funny side of the issue. You're falling behind at on the job, laugh your way through your lunch break. The boss has called you into the office to discuss your lack of enthusiasm when it comes to the mountain of work piling up on your desk, tell him a joke and set fire to the paperwork. The fire alarms go off, dance naked under the sprinkler system. You can see how this works.

3. Get on Facebook, there will always be someone worse off than you and they will usually put it on online. Nothing like watching someone's life crumble before your very eyes while you sit with the laptop sipping a cup of tea. If that hasn't sorted you right out then get on Farmville and slaughter cattle or whatever it is you do on that shit.

4. Get a massage, there are plenty of seedy looking parlours down the darkest of roads that seem to be very happy to offer this service. Just look out for the blacked out windows and the women who stand out the front smoking and wiping cum from their mouths. Why not take your mum and get a facial?

5. Have sex, nothing like a ruddy good rogering to alleviate some of that pent up stress.