Are you fox real?

I wanted to write this when it was front page news, but instead I've spent my weekend raising money for charity and building monuments in memory of great historians. No that's not true is it, I've just been laying in my own filth feeling sorry for myself.

Incase you've been living under a rock or you read actual news you may have missed the story of the fox that was found living in the top of Britain's tallest skyscraper. How this got to be news in the first place is beyond me but the coverage it's received is unreal. It's a fox living in a construction site, it's the premise for a pretty shitty children's television programme. A cross between a poor man's Basil brush and The Apprentice, wait a minute I'm posting that off to CITV, the crap they put me through as a kid will warrant this crock of piss being commissioned (Wizadora I'm looking at you, slut.)

Anyway I digress, The Sun refers to the fox as "DEATH-DEFYING". Exactly how it justifies this I'm not sure, I highly doubt this fox climbed the building hoping for a cheap thrill though I haven't personally spoken to him due to the queue of media types outside his fox hole.The Sun also refers to the fox as a '...lookalike for the animated hero of 2009 flick The Fantastic Mr Fox'. Are they being super serial? Of course it does, it's a film about a fox. The animal came first, this isn't a chicken or egg scenario.

Someone called Sean Hamilton has a small piece in the article describing how frightening the experience of going up to the top is and questioning how the fox managed 2 weeks up there. It's a fox, it's a fucking fox. It could spend 6 months in shit if necessary or a weekend in Lakeside shopping centre if it had the funds, Jesus!

The Evening Standard published it's worries that the fox may be returning to the shard, unfinished business perhaps? Maybe he was measuring up for future office space for his up and coming Foxxy G-string company? Apparently the fox was seen 'glancing at the shard' but then walking away in the opposite direction. Do foxes really glance? Does this furry ginger ball of urban decay really glance at buildings thinking 'I'll be up inside you one day'. Me thinks not.

To finish this all off a spokesman for the Shard explains that the gates are constantly open and it would be difficult to make it fox proof. Is this really happening? Because one fox managed to get to the top there is even talk of fox proofing the place? That'll be money well spent.