Following the news that a checkout assistant refused to serve a customer until they finished their mobile phone call I think it only right that other wrong doings are pointed out in the magical world of supermarket shopping and given suitable consequences.
1. Shoppers who talk to friends and family in the middle of aisles leaving no room for others are to be smashed in the nose with frozen meat.
2. Shoppers who brush against others with their trolley/shopping basket when there is ample room are to have the nearest shelf pulled down on to them. Clean up in aisle 3.
3. Shoppers who crowd around the 'whoopsie' shelf or sprint across the shop floor as the latest batch of out of date discount tripe is covered in reduced labels are likely to be tripped up resulting in a broken face. We're always happy to help.
4. Shoppers who know the checkout assistant are advised to keep conversation to a minimum. The customer behind you will ram you in the ankle with their shopping trolley, that's our price promise to you. Twat.
5. Shoppers who run off to the farthest corner of the shop to grab the free item in the BOGOF offer they missed or to find something they have forgotten will have all their shopping thrown from the conveyor belt to the floor where it will be trodden on multiple times.
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