Some people can go their whole lives sleeping with members of the
opposite or same sex and wounder why they never manage to keep a single
one of them. Here's some tips to enlighten those who have a string of
one night stands when all they crave is a steady relationship.
Satisfaction for your partner and you is just 5 simple tips away..
1. Don't piss the bed, few likes waking up covered in urine.
2. Refrain from using phrases such as I'm going to smash the '.........' out of you,
no-one wants to lay there and question why the person they are making
sweet sweet love to is instead viewing the experience as an exorcism to
rid you of an internal 'granny' you wasn't even aware of.
3. Leave the money somewhere subtle, like a shoe. That
way it looks like a gift and not a payment. Even better buy an actual
gift and leave that instead. Teddy bears, socks and butter knives are up
there with diamonds and roses.
4. Don't leap out of bed post sexual act and have a wash, unless
your skin is stained with blood or feaces. Then you should bath three
to four times with a 20 minute gap inbetween each soak. Also think about
throwing that partner out and visiting a sexual health clinic.
5. Don't stare into their eyes after you do the deed, it's creepy especially when you're still inside them.
Good luck folks
Sir Joe Tribe
A cynical look at the world
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