Sometimes the real news just isn't entertaining enough, in comes Joe Tribe.
34 year old housewife Lauren Tree reports that a bluebottle fly has been harrasing her and her family for the past week or so. It is thought the fly managed to get in through a small gap in her kitchen window and as of time of writing,still hasn't managed to break out.
Mrs Tree reports that she has tried 'every trick in the book' to lure it back out but to no avail, "I have the doors and windows wide open all day but the little b*stard won't f*ck off".
The local council have been contacted for comment but have yet to get back.
NOISEY neighbours? Think again! 67year old widow and keeper of cats Susan Mildrew has finaly had enough of her neighbours,young couple Kat Green and Tom Floor. It is reported that they persist on breathing at a volume that 'cannot be endured by a fellow human being'. Ms Mildrew first noticed the noise when she had her ear pressed against the wall of her bedroom one Wednesday night in January.
" I knew they would be breathing at that time and in that location, their bedroom is wall to wall with mine. At 11pm on a weekday and they go around doing that carry on. Filth." rants Ms Mildrew. When we were invited to listen in on the offending noise ourselves we thought we may have heard something but it was noted that this may have been a breeze coming in through the back door.
The couple declined an interview but did leave a statement with us,
'The woman is a c***'
Our experts have been unable to uncover the letters beneath the stars but we are working 3 hour days to do so. Watch this space.
LOCAL working man's cafe is in trouble with Health and Safety officials who visited back in May of this year. 'BANGERS AND MASH' of Heartly Road,Catford is facing closure after it failed to meet the expected filth chart of a working class food establishment.
Reports available to view online point out several unexpected faults including food that was surprisingly edible,surfaces that were clean to an acceptable standard and staff who were friendly and helpful. Mr Plum, 32 year old plumber who uses the cafe on a daily basis told us "I eat there all the time, I had no idea. It makes you sick to think this is what we were expected to put up with". The Cafe has been told to 'Get real' within the next 6 weeks or face being closed for good.
34 year old housewife Lauren Tree reports that a bluebottle fly has been harrasing her and her family for the past week or so. It is thought the fly managed to get in through a small gap in her kitchen window and as of time of writing,still hasn't managed to break out.
Mrs Tree reports that she has tried 'every trick in the book' to lure it back out but to no avail, "I have the doors and windows wide open all day but the little b*stard won't f*ck off".
The local council have been contacted for comment but have yet to get back.
NOISEY neighbours? Think again! 67year old widow and keeper of cats Susan Mildrew has finaly had enough of her neighbours,young couple Kat Green and Tom Floor. It is reported that they persist on breathing at a volume that 'cannot be endured by a fellow human being'. Ms Mildrew first noticed the noise when she had her ear pressed against the wall of her bedroom one Wednesday night in January.
" I knew they would be breathing at that time and in that location, their bedroom is wall to wall with mine. At 11pm on a weekday and they go around doing that carry on. Filth." rants Ms Mildrew. When we were invited to listen in on the offending noise ourselves we thought we may have heard something but it was noted that this may have been a breeze coming in through the back door.
The couple declined an interview but did leave a statement with us,
'The woman is a c***'
Our experts have been unable to uncover the letters beneath the stars but we are working 3 hour days to do so. Watch this space.
LOCAL working man's cafe is in trouble with Health and Safety officials who visited back in May of this year. 'BANGERS AND MASH' of Heartly Road,Catford is facing closure after it failed to meet the expected filth chart of a working class food establishment.
Reports available to view online point out several unexpected faults including food that was surprisingly edible,surfaces that were clean to an acceptable standard and staff who were friendly and helpful. Mr Plum, 32 year old plumber who uses the cafe on a daily basis told us "I eat there all the time, I had no idea. It makes you sick to think this is what we were expected to put up with". The Cafe has been told to 'Get real' within the next 6 weeks or face being closed for good.
No comments:
Post a Comment